Filters of Insecurity
Today I have a question for you.
Have you ever been in a situation where you were talking with somebody and you took something they said the wrong way? In other words, you misinterpreted their meaning and got upset, only to find out later that it was all in your head?
An example: guy 1 says to guy 2, "Wow, looks like you got the short end of the stick on that one!'
Guy 2 has some issues and insecurities about his height, and he responds, "What do you mean, short end? What are you saying, I'm short? Who cares, why do you have to be such a jerk?!"
Guy 1 is left scratching his head and explaining that, no, that's not what he meant, he was just saying blah blah blah...
That's just the first example off the top of my head, but I think everybody has had one of these experiences at one time or another.
I know I have... and looking back, they've comprised some of the most embarrassing, red-in-the-face moments of my life.
Why are they so embarrassing? Think about it: when you misunderstand what someone says as a personal attack, it serves to highlight, boldface and underline your insecurities for everyone around. If you hadn't said anything, nobody would have thought twice.
When something like this happens, it's the result of something we call "filters of insecurity". Everyone has these to one degree or another, they are like tinted glasses inside our heads that color everything we perceive.
I'll give you another example.
Let's say that a person of high self-esteem and a person of low self-esteem are given the same compliment, "Nice jacket, that's cool."
Now, the person wth high self-esteem is likely to graciously accept the compliment and move on. "Thanks, man."
But the person with low self-esteem might interpret the remark as sarcastic or condescending. His internal filters of insecurity about his appearance actually change the way he hears things and transform this innocent compliment into a snide dig about his lame jacket.
Do you see the difference?
Now, let's imagine that these same two people are on the receiving end of an INSULT. "Hey man, nice hair, looks like you got electrocuted!"
The guy with low self-esteem will be crushed. His internal state will be broken, and he may even respond with a choice insult of his own, or some sort of expletive.
The guy with high self-esteem, however, might interpret it as a JOKE. "Haaa! That's pretty funny, dude, you're hilarious... electrocuted, listen to this guy hahahaaa!" See, not only is he free of filters of insecurity, he has filters of CONFIDENCE which proactively defend him against attacks like this.
The point is this: because the high self-esteem guy interpreted the insult as a JOKE, it BECOMES a joke, not only to him but to everyone around him. Same with the low self-esteem guy's reaction to the compliment.
The INTEPRETATION becomes the MEANING, for all intents and purposes. Perception is reality.
This is related to a concept I've talked about in this newsletter before, the concept of FRAME CONTROL. Your frame is the way you perceive things to be in any given situation. In any social interaction, the strongest frame "wins", and the others are sucked into it.
Think of how you would behave if a cop came up to you with his hand on his gun, and started asking you a bunch of questions.
You would probably choose your words carefully, adjust your posture to be non-threatening, and refer to him as "sir" or "officer". You might not be able to hold eye contact as long as you would with another person.
Now, imagine if a ten year old kid came up and started asking you the same questions. It's unlikely that you would even give much thought to how you responded. It's even less likely that you'd have difficulty keeping eye contact.
For a person of high status, they view the entire world the same way you would think of the ten year old.
You see, tolerance to social pressure is a conveyor of status. Demonstrating status and value is perhaps THE most important, most crucial aspect of running game.
Your inner game affects your ability to withstand social pressure. And like it or not, your inner game WILL manifest itself through your body language, voice, eye contact, and countless other cues.
This is why it's important to pinpoint your filters of insecurity and do whatever is necessary to eradicate them.
So, with that in mind, I'm going to list some of the most common filters of insecurity for you here. Let's go.
1. Being stuck in your head. You'll see this one a lot. Have you ever been talking to somebody, and they seem like they're not really listening to you, but they're somewhere else? They're probably doing this. It's basically not paying attention to other people because you're focused on your next move, or you're thinking about logistics or something like that. When you do this, you're not living in the moment, and it can end up hurting you.
A social interaction is a living, dynamic thing, and to avoid making social errors, you need to pay attention to the people you're interacting with. Get out of your own head.
2. Nervousness. With this one, your fear of failure colors everything around you. Think about how this sabotages your game.
A person of true high status wouldn't view social interaction as something having potentially negative consequences. If you're portraying yourself as someone of high status but underneath, you're nervous, it's gonna show.
You've gotta shake that nervousness. Remember, it's called "the GAME" for a reason!
3. Paranoia. This is another big one. This is what was going on in the example above with the short guy, and it's particularly insidious. You're gaming a girl and you hear laughter behind you, and you instantly assume they're laughing AT YOU.
Your state breaks. Turns out they were laughing at a joke they just heard, but that's irrelevant. The damage is already done, and so are you.
Remember, just because you're paranoid it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you... but behave as though it does anyway. :)
4. Self-monitoring. This is related to #1, but it's worse in a certain sense. It's actually like #1 and #2 COMBINED. You're constantly analyzing the reaction to everything you say to make sure it's well-received.
You're walking on eggshells, carefully selecting the words that come out of your mouth. Basically, you're being what we call OUTCOME DEPENDENT, which reeks of NEEDINESS.
Live in the moment and let go of any concerns you have about the outcome.
5. Undeservedness. I used to be massively guilty of this one. I would approach extremely beautiful girls and then inexplicably screw it up. I couldn't understand this for the longest time, because when I'd go up to regular girls, I'd have no problem running picture-perfect game.
I knew exactly what to do, but for some reason, when I hit up a 9, I'd forget everything I'd learned and act like an idiot.
I realized it was related to filters of insecurity. I felt that I didn't DESERVE to get these hot, hot girls, because I wasn't good-looking enough myself. It wasn't until I understood this and rejected the idea that I started having success with the elite calibre women. You should do the same.
6. Fear of expression. Have you ever had stage fright? That's what this is. Make no mistake, when you're running game on a girl, it's no different that getting up on stage and singing in front of a crowd.
It's an expression. All game is the expression of your inner state, conveyed by the rhythms you use to direct the energy of the interaction.
If you want to have success in pickup, you've got to be unafraid to get up there and shine. That's what charisma is all about, and people are drawn to it like a magnet.
7. Arrogant beliefs. Someone with arrogant beliefs refuses to acknowledge that they can learn anything from someone else.
This can hinder your development as a pick up artist, because often times the biggest revelations can come from unlikely sources. For example, believe it or not, every time I do a bootcamp, I end up learning something from the student that I'll incorporate into my game.
Always keep the student frame.
8. Hinging self esteem on what others think. If you have this particular filter in your head, your state is easily broken as soon as anyone launches an attack on you. Unfortunately, this betrays you as someone with a weak frame who is not of high status, and sinks your game.
Always keep in mind that your success or failure at this game has nothing to do with your value as a person, any more than your ability to shoot a basketball does. It's just a skill.
9. Fear to break rapport. Many students I work with are plagued by this, they are afraid to be perceived as "rude". What they don't realize is, in many situations, breaking rapport is in fact the correct course of action, for example when someone tries to tool you, or in the initial stages of the pick-up, to build attraction.
But these guys are so paralyzed by the idea that they might be thought of as rude, that they fail to act and watch the house of cards come tumbling down.
Don't be a doormat. Stand up and be counted; break rapport when it's necessary.
10. Need to entertain. Also known as "The Curse of the Dancing Monkey". Characterized by a feeling that you have to impress others, lest they grow bored and run away. Basically, this is indicative of a lack of confidence.
You don't feel intrinsically valuable, so you bust out all these jokes and gimmicks in an attempt to hold the attention of the group.
Sure, you hold their attention. But all you're doing is providing them with their entertainment for the night. When closing time rolls around, it's, "Thank you very much and goodnight." You're going home alone. Lose this need to entertain, drop it like a hot rock.
These filters of insecurity that I've listed above are just a sample of the more common ones we see in the field, it's by no means intended to be a comprehensive catalog. Take the time and ask yourself, "Which of these could apply to me?" Then do your best to eliminate them from your life.
It only takes ONE of these to throw your state off for the entire night. And your STATE tends to play a huge part in your success or failure in this game.
During the Real Social Dynamics live, in-field personalized bootcamps, your state will be pumped SKY-HIGH, NON-STOP. There are tons of little tricks we employ to get you into state and keep you there... THE ENTIRE WEEKEND.
And hey, once you know these tricks, you'll be able to induce that game-winning state ANYTIME, ANYWHERE!
You wanna know what the best part is?
That's only the beginning.
Over the course of the program, you'll be bombarded with MOUNTAINS of cutting-edge information to rocket your game to the next level.
Armed with this information, you'll be able to:
=> Approach any group of people without fear or hesitation.
=> Immediately capture their undivided attention.
=> Separate yourself from the competition.
=> Build attraction within minutes (if not seconds).
=> Consistently establish comfort and trust.
=> Deflect any opposition with conversational ninjitsu.
=> Demonstrate that your standards are extremely high.
=> Seal the deal consistently!
Visit our site NOW to learn more about RSD Individualized Bootcamps:
http://www.realsocialdynamics.com/bootcamps.asp
"Incredible. So much info related in 3 days my mind is SATURATED! Opened multiple sets on a regular basis - a concept that I didn't think was realistic at all. Overcame my fears/inhibitions and had awesome encounters with absolutely beautiful women."
- Lance G, San Francisco, CA
These methods you read about are merely guidelines.
That's why it's so important to have a coach, to show you the finer points, the nuances, that just can't be conveyed in black and white print.
As I've said before, when I first decided to make that change and get this part of my life HANDLED, I floundered around at it for years without much success.
YEARS!
It wasn't until I met up with some truly gifted individuals in person that my game started to take off by leaps and bounds.
The bottom line?
I'm sure, given enough time, I would have eventually figured most (MOST!) of this stuff out on my own. But as it turns out, that wasn't necessary.
Because I found a shortcut.
And for something different...
It's been requested for years now........
So finally we're giving it to you: The Jeffy DVD set.
I went out to stay with Tyler in Honolulu to prepare it, and over the Hawaii, San Diego, and Los Angeles rehearsals it was sharpened from a decent product to a MASTERPIECE.
Every rehearsal was progressively better and better, and finally culminated into the tightest version for the recording.
It was so important for me to get my PERSONALITY into this product to the maximum extent.
That means HOLDING NOTHING BACK, even if it might offend some people, and just putting it out there like it really is for people to take in whatever way they're inclined.
I was nervous on this one, because I really put myself out there -- going into a lot of personal issues and really expressing my personality.
It was important for me to truly smoke it, and luckily my absolute best was the RECORDED version -- which if you're a public speaker, you know that you can have on and off days regardless of how well you're prepared.
We were truly blessed to have such a great show on the day of the recording.
Get full details by visiting:
http://www.jeffyshow.com
Thanks again for reading our newsletter. Tune in next time, as we take some reader mail and answer some of your questions.
Till then...
Sincerely,
Jeffy, Executive Coach
REAL SOCIAL DYNAMICS
*******************************************************************************
Unfortunately, most men will never have the kind of success with women that they would like. Why is that?
One reason is that they don't know what to do to attract women, and they keep doing the same old things over and over again that aren't working! This leads them to thinking that attractive women are bitches and that they can't attract the kind of woman that they want, so they settle (while kidding themselves that this is what they really want).
The other reason and most important reason is that they do nothing about it!!! They just sit back and take what luck will throw at them! Look, I'm telling you, this is a BAD idea and will surely lead you to a less fulfilling life and also into the hands of a partner who is NOT emotionally strong and physically attractive as the kind of woman that I'm sure you want to have.
If you want to learn what it really takes to transform your success with women right now, using the fastest and most effective methods that exist - then you have to hear everything I'm going to share with you. It's that important.
Have you ever been in a situation where you were talking with somebody and you took something they said the wrong way? In other words, you misinterpreted their meaning and got upset, only to find out later that it was all in your head?
An example: guy 1 says to guy 2, "Wow, looks like you got the short end of the stick on that one!'
Guy 2 has some issues and insecurities about his height, and he responds, "What do you mean, short end? What are you saying, I'm short? Who cares, why do you have to be such a jerk?!"
Guy 1 is left scratching his head and explaining that, no, that's not what he meant, he was just saying blah blah blah...
That's just the first example off the top of my head, but I think everybody has had one of these experiences at one time or another.
I know I have... and looking back, they've comprised some of the most embarrassing, red-in-the-face moments of my life.
Why are they so embarrassing? Think about it: when you misunderstand what someone says as a personal attack, it serves to highlight, boldface and underline your insecurities for everyone around. If you hadn't said anything, nobody would have thought twice.
When something like this happens, it's the result of something we call "filters of insecurity". Everyone has these to one degree or another, they are like tinted glasses inside our heads that color everything we perceive.
I'll give you another example.
Let's say that a person of high self-esteem and a person of low self-esteem are given the same compliment, "Nice jacket, that's cool."
Now, the person wth high self-esteem is likely to graciously accept the compliment and move on. "Thanks, man."
But the person with low self-esteem might interpret the remark as sarcastic or condescending. His internal filters of insecurity about his appearance actually change the way he hears things and transform this innocent compliment into a snide dig about his lame jacket.
Do you see the difference?
Now, let's imagine that these same two people are on the receiving end of an INSULT. "Hey man, nice hair, looks like you got electrocuted!"
The guy with low self-esteem will be crushed. His internal state will be broken, and he may even respond with a choice insult of his own, or some sort of expletive.
The guy with high self-esteem, however, might interpret it as a JOKE. "Haaa! That's pretty funny, dude, you're hilarious... electrocuted, listen to this guy hahahaaa!" See, not only is he free of filters of insecurity, he has filters of CONFIDENCE which proactively defend him against attacks like this.
The point is this: because the high self-esteem guy interpreted the insult as a JOKE, it BECOMES a joke, not only to him but to everyone around him. Same with the low self-esteem guy's reaction to the compliment.
The INTEPRETATION becomes the MEANING, for all intents and purposes. Perception is reality.
This is related to a concept I've talked about in this newsletter before, the concept of FRAME CONTROL. Your frame is the way you perceive things to be in any given situation. In any social interaction, the strongest frame "wins", and the others are sucked into it.
Think of how you would behave if a cop came up to you with his hand on his gun, and started asking you a bunch of questions.
You would probably choose your words carefully, adjust your posture to be non-threatening, and refer to him as "sir" or "officer". You might not be able to hold eye contact as long as you would with another person.
Now, imagine if a ten year old kid came up and started asking you the same questions. It's unlikely that you would even give much thought to how you responded. It's even less likely that you'd have difficulty keeping eye contact.
For a person of high status, they view the entire world the same way you would think of the ten year old.
You see, tolerance to social pressure is a conveyor of status. Demonstrating status and value is perhaps THE most important, most crucial aspect of running game.
Your inner game affects your ability to withstand social pressure. And like it or not, your inner game WILL manifest itself through your body language, voice, eye contact, and countless other cues.
This is why it's important to pinpoint your filters of insecurity and do whatever is necessary to eradicate them.
So, with that in mind, I'm going to list some of the most common filters of insecurity for you here. Let's go.
1. Being stuck in your head. You'll see this one a lot. Have you ever been talking to somebody, and they seem like they're not really listening to you, but they're somewhere else? They're probably doing this. It's basically not paying attention to other people because you're focused on your next move, or you're thinking about logistics or something like that. When you do this, you're not living in the moment, and it can end up hurting you.
A social interaction is a living, dynamic thing, and to avoid making social errors, you need to pay attention to the people you're interacting with. Get out of your own head.
2. Nervousness. With this one, your fear of failure colors everything around you. Think about how this sabotages your game.
A person of true high status wouldn't view social interaction as something having potentially negative consequences. If you're portraying yourself as someone of high status but underneath, you're nervous, it's gonna show.
You've gotta shake that nervousness. Remember, it's called "the GAME" for a reason!
3. Paranoia. This is another big one. This is what was going on in the example above with the short guy, and it's particularly insidious. You're gaming a girl and you hear laughter behind you, and you instantly assume they're laughing AT YOU.
Your state breaks. Turns out they were laughing at a joke they just heard, but that's irrelevant. The damage is already done, and so are you.
Remember, just because you're paranoid it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you... but behave as though it does anyway. :)
4. Self-monitoring. This is related to #1, but it's worse in a certain sense. It's actually like #1 and #2 COMBINED. You're constantly analyzing the reaction to everything you say to make sure it's well-received.
You're walking on eggshells, carefully selecting the words that come out of your mouth. Basically, you're being what we call OUTCOME DEPENDENT, which reeks of NEEDINESS.
Live in the moment and let go of any concerns you have about the outcome.
5. Undeservedness. I used to be massively guilty of this one. I would approach extremely beautiful girls and then inexplicably screw it up. I couldn't understand this for the longest time, because when I'd go up to regular girls, I'd have no problem running picture-perfect game.
I knew exactly what to do, but for some reason, when I hit up a 9, I'd forget everything I'd learned and act like an idiot.
I realized it was related to filters of insecurity. I felt that I didn't DESERVE to get these hot, hot girls, because I wasn't good-looking enough myself. It wasn't until I understood this and rejected the idea that I started having success with the elite calibre women. You should do the same.
6. Fear of expression. Have you ever had stage fright? That's what this is. Make no mistake, when you're running game on a girl, it's no different that getting up on stage and singing in front of a crowd.
It's an expression. All game is the expression of your inner state, conveyed by the rhythms you use to direct the energy of the interaction.
If you want to have success in pickup, you've got to be unafraid to get up there and shine. That's what charisma is all about, and people are drawn to it like a magnet.
7. Arrogant beliefs. Someone with arrogant beliefs refuses to acknowledge that they can learn anything from someone else.
This can hinder your development as a pick up artist, because often times the biggest revelations can come from unlikely sources. For example, believe it or not, every time I do a bootcamp, I end up learning something from the student that I'll incorporate into my game.
Always keep the student frame.
8. Hinging self esteem on what others think. If you have this particular filter in your head, your state is easily broken as soon as anyone launches an attack on you. Unfortunately, this betrays you as someone with a weak frame who is not of high status, and sinks your game.
Always keep in mind that your success or failure at this game has nothing to do with your value as a person, any more than your ability to shoot a basketball does. It's just a skill.
9. Fear to break rapport. Many students I work with are plagued by this, they are afraid to be perceived as "rude". What they don't realize is, in many situations, breaking rapport is in fact the correct course of action, for example when someone tries to tool you, or in the initial stages of the pick-up, to build attraction.
But these guys are so paralyzed by the idea that they might be thought of as rude, that they fail to act and watch the house of cards come tumbling down.
Don't be a doormat. Stand up and be counted; break rapport when it's necessary.
10. Need to entertain. Also known as "The Curse of the Dancing Monkey". Characterized by a feeling that you have to impress others, lest they grow bored and run away. Basically, this is indicative of a lack of confidence.
You don't feel intrinsically valuable, so you bust out all these jokes and gimmicks in an attempt to hold the attention of the group.
Sure, you hold their attention. But all you're doing is providing them with their entertainment for the night. When closing time rolls around, it's, "Thank you very much and goodnight." You're going home alone. Lose this need to entertain, drop it like a hot rock.
These filters of insecurity that I've listed above are just a sample of the more common ones we see in the field, it's by no means intended to be a comprehensive catalog. Take the time and ask yourself, "Which of these could apply to me?" Then do your best to eliminate them from your life.
It only takes ONE of these to throw your state off for the entire night. And your STATE tends to play a huge part in your success or failure in this game.
During the Real Social Dynamics live, in-field personalized bootcamps, your state will be pumped SKY-HIGH, NON-STOP. There are tons of little tricks we employ to get you into state and keep you there... THE ENTIRE WEEKEND.
And hey, once you know these tricks, you'll be able to induce that game-winning state ANYTIME, ANYWHERE!
You wanna know what the best part is?
That's only the beginning.
Over the course of the program, you'll be bombarded with MOUNTAINS of cutting-edge information to rocket your game to the next level.
Armed with this information, you'll be able to:
=> Approach any group of people without fear or hesitation.
=> Immediately capture their undivided attention.
=> Separate yourself from the competition.
=> Build attraction within minutes (if not seconds).
=> Consistently establish comfort and trust.
=> Deflect any opposition with conversational ninjitsu.
=> Demonstrate that your standards are extremely high.
=> Seal the deal consistently!
Visit our site NOW to learn more about RSD Individualized Bootcamps:
http://www.realsocialdynamics.com/bootcamps.asp
"Incredible. So much info related in 3 days my mind is SATURATED! Opened multiple sets on a regular basis - a concept that I didn't think was realistic at all. Overcame my fears/inhibitions and had awesome encounters with absolutely beautiful women."
- Lance G, San Francisco, CA
These methods you read about are merely guidelines.
That's why it's so important to have a coach, to show you the finer points, the nuances, that just can't be conveyed in black and white print.
As I've said before, when I first decided to make that change and get this part of my life HANDLED, I floundered around at it for years without much success.
YEARS!
It wasn't until I met up with some truly gifted individuals in person that my game started to take off by leaps and bounds.
The bottom line?
I'm sure, given enough time, I would have eventually figured most (MOST!) of this stuff out on my own. But as it turns out, that wasn't necessary.
Because I found a shortcut.
And for something different...
It's been requested for years now........
So finally we're giving it to you: The Jeffy DVD set.
I went out to stay with Tyler in Honolulu to prepare it, and over the Hawaii, San Diego, and Los Angeles rehearsals it was sharpened from a decent product to a MASTERPIECE.
Every rehearsal was progressively better and better, and finally culminated into the tightest version for the recording.
It was so important for me to get my PERSONALITY into this product to the maximum extent.
That means HOLDING NOTHING BACK, even if it might offend some people, and just putting it out there like it really is for people to take in whatever way they're inclined.
I was nervous on this one, because I really put myself out there -- going into a lot of personal issues and really expressing my personality.
It was important for me to truly smoke it, and luckily my absolute best was the RECORDED version -- which if you're a public speaker, you know that you can have on and off days regardless of how well you're prepared.
We were truly blessed to have such a great show on the day of the recording.
Get full details by visiting:
http://www.jeffyshow.com
Thanks again for reading our newsletter. Tune in next time, as we take some reader mail and answer some of your questions.
Till then...
Sincerely,
Jeffy, Executive Coach
REAL SOCIAL DYNAMICS
*******************************************************************************
Unfortunately, most men will never have the kind of success with women that they would like. Why is that?
One reason is that they don't know what to do to attract women, and they keep doing the same old things over and over again that aren't working! This leads them to thinking that attractive women are bitches and that they can't attract the kind of woman that they want, so they settle (while kidding themselves that this is what they really want).
The other reason and most important reason is that they do nothing about it!!! They just sit back and take what luck will throw at them! Look, I'm telling you, this is a BAD idea and will surely lead you to a less fulfilling life and also into the hands of a partner who is NOT emotionally strong and physically attractive as the kind of woman that I'm sure you want to have.
If you want to learn what it really takes to transform your success with women right now, using the fastest and most effective methods that exist - then you have to hear everything I'm going to share with you. It's that important.
posted by Patrick Huey @ 4:02 AM
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