Primal Goodness

The only way that attraction can have any LONG LASTING impact, is if it is accompanied by GOOD VIBES towards the woman you are interacting with.

And that's not always an easy thing to do, especially if you are in a scarcity mindset when it comes to women, or if you have some picture of all women as being "bad" or "mean".

But good vibes are CRITICAL. In fact, the need for these kinds of vibes is PRIMAL, which goes contrary to popular belief about how being a JERK is supposedly primal and attractive.

Even many ANIMALS have this GOOD VIBES stuff BUILT IN.

THAT'S how important it is.

There are a LOT of reasons I am bringing up this point of giving off GOOD vibes, and ONE of them is because SO MANY guys TOTALLY warp the idea of what it means to come across as "superior/excellent/vitality" which is the essence of attraction. For example, so many guys when they TEASE a woman at the outset of the interaction, they are just being MEAN.

They are not being PLAYFUL, they are not being FUNNY. So their words are coming across as MALICIOUS.

Look, no matter WHO you are, coming across as MEAN is ALWAYS bad, because it means that you are going to use WHATEVER worth you have in a way to put her DOWN.

No one on earth wants that, aside from a few sick people who you really should feel sorry for rather than be sick yourself by trying to exploit that.

When a guy is doing pickup, he should be VERY CAREFUL not to let his INSECURITIES filter his teases to sound MEAN.

This is often why a guy who is ALREADY in a relationship where he is HAPPY so often is able to unconsciously ATTRACT so many women. It's because his sense of SECURITY filters his behavior, so for example if he teases a woman, it's ALWAYS from a place of GOOD VIBES and not BITTER vibes or MEAN vibes.

And women can TELL the difference, I assure you.

But then the day his relationship ends, if it ends, when he goes out to meet new women, and he teases them, it's not working all of a sudden.

It's because his words are being filtered through his own insecurities, so the message comes across as defensive and not playful or "good vibes" at ALL. And of course, this actually implies his INFERIORITY, because a superior guy would never need to behave in an insecure way.

So her potential to feel attraction SHUTS DOWN. Instead, she feels revulsion.

Now, of course, if a guy has learned to not base his entire IDENTITY and SELF-CONCEPT on his relationship, he will NOT be so vulnerable to such an internal crash if his relationship ends.

But if he did make that mistake, which is perfectly normal when you are starting out, he then needs to learn to get back his sense of security before he can start to get his groove back and exude again all the attractive energies of his game that he once had.

Once he starts to get that back, very quickly his game will start to skyrocket again.

Another thing I should mention is that a lot of the bad advice out there is written by guys that hate or CAN'T connect with ANYONE.

For some guys, it really IS hard to have genuinely "good vibes", they have to fake it.

You see, some guys are so selfish, or so sick, that they really don't have much of an ability to bond or care about anyone besides themselves.

Wait, though, I can hear it now:

"So are you telling us to be NICE???""
"Isn't that how nice guys get ABUSED????
"Don't nice guys get BURNED for being 'NICE'???? "

Don't you have to be a "Bad Boy" to attract a woman?

In fact, a recent email asks a similar question, along with another question:

LETTER FROM A READER:

I read your emails religiously.

I have two important questions to ask you Michael. First of all, I know women go for bad boys, players, and guys who challenge them. But don't women want to get married someday? I've always thought it was their dream to get married. I've read somewhere that women go for bad boys while their young. But while in their late 20's they go for the good guys who's willing to stay and commit to MARRY them.

Tell me the truth, Michael.

Is it true and tell me why? PLEASE.

Question No.2

Why are lesbian women so sexual towards other lesbian women. Why aren't straight women as sexual lesbian women. I'm a man and i love it when a woman express her sexuality. I think it's unfair that straight women are not as sexual as lesbian women.

Tom K.

MY REPLY:

The reason why women want the "bad boy" is because he's the only guy that doesn't APOLOGIZE for BEING A MAN.

He's also not afraid to be HIMSELF.

And also, he's not afraid to reveal SEXUALITY. And he does it in a stylish way without having too VERBALIZE it too much.

VERBALIZING sexuality TOO MUCH in the beginning of an interaction sets off a woman's ALARMS and she goes into AUTO-SHUTDOWN to prevent the safe from being illegally opened.

You catch my drift here?

This whole "be a badboy" thing reminds me a bit of that movie "The Mask" with Jim Carrey.

When he puts on the mask, his REAL self comes out, and it's not a bad boy, it's just a REALLY FUN guy, that is CONFIDENT and full of LIFE.

And he's sexual as well.

And it's the guy's REAL personality. It's all the cool stuff that is REALLY inside of him.

In fact, when he is NOT wearing the mask, in many ways THAT is the only time he is being "fake".

I would argue that most guys are actually being FAKE all day long!!! They are not being the fun, unique individuals they really are in any way - from the way they dress, to the way they talk, to the activities they do, to the way they walk! They are SUBMERGED into some kind of restricted, inferior ROLE play! They feel they must PLAY this role, and they practice all day long till they get real damn CONGRUENT being these carbon copy cutouts!!!

And then, if a guy finally DOES get to see a bit of the "light" about women and shown to him, it's often from misguided sources who turn him from a fakely NICE guy into a fakely JERKO guy!

Which is just about equally unproductive.

You don't have to be the bad boy to attract a woman, whether she is 20 or any other age, and in fact you can do BETTER than any "bad boy" if you take the effective stuff about "bad boys" (which has nothing to do with being "bad" per se) and THROW AWAY THE USELESS stuff.

For example, their inability to emotionally CONNECT. That would be an example of something that is not only useless, but counterproductive about "bad boys".

This is a big part of the problem, that guys only get DISTORTED MESSAGES when they even get a bit of the truth.

The learn from misguided experts who tell him only the BAD stuff about some women, how "all women are evil", and how it's all about bossing women around and not actually caring at all.

It's OKAY to WANT A WOMAN as long as that "wanting" is not a DESPERATE kind of want. A woman can know you LIKE her, as long as you are still a challenge, you are still PUSHING all the right dramatic exciting fun playful and sexual "buttons" at the right times.

A "confident" want is VERY different from a "needy" want. In fact, this want can even be flattering to a woman, since it's backed up by massive self-worth, which inherently is a compliment to HER, since it implies you believe you have VALUE to get whatever is great in life that you want. So therefore SHE feels that SHE must be great too.

I do need to say however that for SOME women, they simply DO find it immensely attractive when a guy does NOT want them. I'm not saying this is MOST women, but it is SOME. Obviously, a relationship with such a woman would be pretty unstable, unless it was something that worked just in sexual roleplay.

And regarding the marriage part, you don't want a woman to be with you simply because she knows you will COMMIT: This is the problem with the "nice" guy - he does only the "practical" things, he doesn't do The things that trigger her EMOTIONS.

And he does all his "nice" stuff, EVEN IN HIS OWN MIND AS WELL, as a form OF "COMPENSATION" TO THE WOMAN, as if he alone is NOT worth her affection. So he feels he needs to do EXTRA stuff, like being willing to commit EVEN if deep down he might not commit if we wasn't so needy.

It's not the commitment of a guy who is secure. So even that commitment that he offers her is far less validating for her than if it were from a guy who had many choices and wasn't needy.

So she may even take him for granted, and he STILL is willing to commit, because he feels INFERIOR.

So all his commitment comes with creepy/needy vibes instead of loving/giving/secure vibes.

So it's a totally different story if a guy is not needy and he COMMITS to a woman who clearly is COMMITTED to him and has been committed to him all along as well.

Look, there are plenty of "bad" women, but they don't have a monopoly on being bad, plenty of men are just as messed up and "bad" as those "bad" women.

(I put the word "bad" in quotes, because seriously once you realize how ridiculous and low self-esteem such "bad" behaviours are, you really feel sorry for the "bad" women. Cruel behaviours are ALWAYS a symptom of insecurities. You just want them to get emotionally healed. )

One of the biggest things that DOES make women different from men is the fact that women are taught (or maybe it's biological, it doesn't matter) to be more "hard to get" in order to not be even REMOTEDLY labeled "SLUTS".

Which brings me to the answer to your second question, about wanting straight women to be as sexual as lesbian women, I can guarantee you some GOOD news:

Straight women ARE just as sexual! They are MASSIVELY sexual!!!

But in general, unless you are dealing with the wild party girl type, the sexuality MAX only is going to happen if you properly warm a woman up with the right vibes beforehand, as I explain in my book and in further depth in my CDs.

If you want a woman to kiss her inhibitions goodbye, all you have to do is make her feel COMPLETELY psychologically comfortable and TOTALLY able to trust you.

This requires a combination of being sensitive to her, listening to her, and yet also being A MAN by taking responsibility for FULL ESCALATION, so she can shirk off any feelings of guilt onto you! (as in "HE was the one who made it happen" even though of course they WANTED it to happen and did everything in their passive power to make it happen.)

Yeah, society is crazy for making women feel guilty about sex, even when it's with the guy they LIKE!

But once again, let me assure you, straight women very much are INSANELY sexual.

They just come with very sensitive "how to heat and re-heat" instructions! ;)

Part of those instructions also means that when you first approach a woman and you begin chatting, you make sure not to get TOO overtly sexual too fast, not too verbally sexual too fast, or you will raise her ANTI-SLUT ALARMS that cause her to go into AUTO-SHUTDOWN. If she goes into auto-shutdown, she will simply be COMPLETELY unresponsive to any further attempts to continue the pickup.

So if you just KNOW these things, you can avoid these problems, and you will be able to PROGRESS the interaction further, till she has been properly warmed up psychologically and she feels READY to go sexual to the max.

And while we're on that topic of good news and good vibes, I have some other news:

You know how you hear all the bad news about how horrible relationships are, and how everyone is breaking up, and how supposedly this is natural? Because supposedly, we all have these "chemicals" that make us selfish and hormonally controlled?

Well, it's not exactly like that.

Because if it's CHEMICALS in our bodies like hormones that they are referring to, the reality is that there are OTHER chemicals (such as oxytocin) in our bodies that are JUST as PRIMAL, JUST as "CONTROLLING" our behaviors and just as "natural" that makes men and women want to BOND and LOVE and treat other FANTASTICALLY. LONG TERM.

A good friend of mine brought a great NEW book on this to me: Social Intelligence, by Daniel Goleman.

I'm not going to reprint the book here, but some amazing stuff is in there. In fact, these "good vibes" are so PRIMAL that they indeed exist even in ANIMALS, not just in humans.

Monkeys would rather protect a fellow monkey than get lots of food by pressing a button that would also give an electric shock to their fellow monkey. Yup, they didn't want their friendly fellow monkey to get zapped, even though it meant sacrificing lots of free good food. They preferred to protect the monkey, and survive on far less food.

And similar cool stuff with vampire bats, and mice too! Vampire bats shared regurgitated "food" with the "socially friendly" other bats that were hungry, and the mice worked to rescue a fellow mouse from a web on a line.

Also, long term relationship success it seems can be PREDICTED with 90% accuracy, and it's no surprise that the couples who gave each other the most good vibes were the ones who would almost certainly have long term success.

In fact, because of the good vibes, what happened was that even THINKING about the other person was enough to trigger oxytocin releases into the system.

And just BEING in each other's PRESENCE would release oxytocin. (of course, it's important not to SMOTHER each other, that way, you both get to APPRECIATE being with each other again.)

And of course this would result in each of them genuinely validating each other, raising each other's self esteem constantly, and naturally unleashing the flood of great feeling chemicals that ensues.

Can you imagine the NEVER ENDING LOOP of positive bonding emotions that go on in such a couple???

I'm proud to say that several YEARS ago, I was the only guy on a certain board of "how to be successful with women" that championed the idea that relationship success was partially based on the idea of having two people who took on the PARADIGM of seeking EVER GREATER VALUE in the OTHER person.

And that this would result in triggering the powerful emotions of desire and affection simply by the THOUGHT of each other, not only in the short term, but in the LONG term as well, because in fact the more it was done, the stronger the associations would become linked between the thought of that person and the chemical release.

You are what you think and do, and if two people adopt this philosophy of seeking and finding greater value in each other, they will get better and better at finding value in each other, and usually have a fantastic relationship.

And now, EVEN MORE evidence from other researchers is pouring in to support what I knew based on the couples I had interviewed and met with.

But we live in a crazy culture that poo-poos bonding and long term relationships that require EMOTIONAL and TIME investment, because it might God forbid invade into our goddamn sacred holy CAREERS and other selfish goals! Oh no!! Perhaps there is more to life than work! Oh no!

People who had oxytocin blocked became SELFISH. Jerks are either insecure or have a deficiency of oxytocin in their system.

So you see, being a JERK and all "alpha bossy" is just plain STUPID.

Don't be a JERK.
Don't be a NICE GUY.
Just be ONE HELL OF A MAN.

And if you'd like to learn EXACTLY how to put it ALL together, from the first moment you SEE her, to the actual PICK UP, all the way to "getting physical", and beyond, into a meaningful relationship if you so desire, then you owe it to yourself to get the most powerful resource on earth for achieving all this:

The Seduction Mastery Apprenticeship Program CD Set.

This special CD Set contains all my most advanced, revolutionary, real-world strategies and insights on how to pick up ANY woman and KEEP her attracted for as long as you want. From the very first SECOND, you will see this program is about making women feel GOOD.

It's at:

http://thedatingwizard.com/seductionmastery.htm

And if you haven't already downloaded my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women, then definitely do that IMMEDIATELY. This book is the FOUNDATION on which all my other programs build upon.

It's at:

http://thedatingwizard.com/ebook.htm

Till next time,

Michael

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